


Without Him

by junmyeonssi



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Asshole Luhan, Character Death, Cheating, Cutting, Depression, Im tired, M/M, Sad, Suicide, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love, triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 09:22:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16513631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junmyeonssi/pseuds/junmyeonssi
Summary: hunhan well a broken hunhan and lovesick sad baekhyun





	Without Him

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry   
> also kudos and comments are appreciated   
> follow me on insta .kungkyungie   
> and perhaps check out my other works?

_He laughed and watched the blood drip down and off his thighs. Staring blankly at his legs, Baekhyun wondered whether it was worth it. Yes, he was part of one of the biggest groups in kpop, but had it been worth it? Had losing his happiness and joy because of scandals been worth it? Had the fame been worth the scars on his thighs? Baekhyun decided it was. Because it had been Sehun's dream for so long and Baekhyun was weak for Sehun. So so weak._

 

That had been nearly two years ago. And now EXO was having another comeback. This one was Don't Mess Up My Tempo. The smiles and happiness that had been so normal, so  _easy_ when they had first debuted, had become fake and strained. And Baekhyun was still in love with Sehun. Not that Sehun would ever know, after all he was in love with Luhan still, wasn't he? 

 

_Baekhyun knew that the members didn't think he would notice. Didn't think he'd see how Sehun would smile and laugh at whatever Luhan had said. Because Sehun's world was Luhan and Luhan's world was Sehun and Baekhyun's world was dimming. He caught Sehun and Luhan kissing once. They were in the studio and Baekhyun had just finished his parts. Assuming nobody else was there, he had jumped when he heard the distinct sound of someone kissing someone else. He had looked in the general direction and his heart had broken, because Sehun and Luhan were kissing and Luhan looked too happy and pleased with himself. Baekhyun had run away, not knowing why he had felt like his heart had shattered into pieces. And he worried, worried that Luhan was bad for Sehun and would only break his heart._

 

He hadn't been wrong. Soon after Kris departed for China, Luhan had followed him. And left Sehun behind. When Baekhyun learned of how Luhan had broken up with Sehun via a text the next day, he had blown up, screaming and shouting curses in Korean and English and Chinese (oddly enough Kris and Tao had taught him how to curse) at Luhan. Afterwards, he comforted Sehun to the best of his ability. Baekhyun was protective of Sehun. 

 

_Why was Sehun crying? Baekhyun didn't know the answer to the question and Luhan was not around. So Baekhyun chose to go to Sehun's room and check._

_"Sehunnie, why are you crying?"_

_"Becaufhg iff knofth thaugh luhaugh cheatghd." Sehun mumbled into his pillow._

_"Hunnie you need to get your head out of your pillow, otherwise I can't understand you." Baekhyun said, comfortingly._

_Sehun lifted his head up, and all Baekhyun could see was those beautiful eyes surrounded by red rings and tears falling down Sehun's face. It was then that Baekhyun had decided to kill whoever had caused this. "Because I know Luhan cheated." Sehun said, slowly, and more pronounced before burying his head back into his pillow._

 

No, Baekhyun sadly hadn't killed Luhan for cheating on Sehun, but if he treated Luhan more coldly whenever he saw him, could it really have been his fault? Luhan had cheated on Sehun. When had he realized his crush on Sehun though? 

 

_He was laying on his bed, staring at the wall. He had been clean for three months but the urge was getting to be too much. Luhan's smug face when Sehun had taken him back had almost been Baekhyun's breaking point. Because Sehun was beautiful, soft, lovely, and talented. And Baekhyun wished Sehun was his. But Sehun was unattainable, because Baekhyun wasn't going to make Sehun cheat. Wait what? Wished Sehun was his? No no no he didn't, he really didn't, did he? With a groan, Baekhyun rolled over and shoved the thought into the back of his head, hoping for it to never return._

 

And after that, he had started cutting again. Because he had realized his crush on Sehun, that it was more than a friendship. He cut because he knew he'd never get Sehun and that Sehun was happy with Luhan, or at least he looked like he was. 

 

_Shockingly, he heard Luhan raise his voice at Sehun. Okay, maybe it wasn't that shocking, he knew Luhan raised his voice sometimes, but not like this, never like this. He was screaming and ranting at Sehun because Sehun had apparently ruined a shirt of his and Luhan was not happy. Then, there was silence for a few seconds and then the sound of a slap reverberated through the mostly empty dorms. And maybe after that accident, Baekhyun had become colder to Luhan and more protective of Sehun._

 

Baekhyun wondered what could've been different, if only he had had enough courage to ask Sehun out. But he hadn't and now he was just too tired to continue with the fake smiles. 

 

_The start of the fake smiles had begun soon after Taeyeon had received hate for dating him. Yes, he received hate too and he read every single note and post that went on and on and on about how it was a bad relationship, set up by sm. and he read about how people thought that he was not good enough for Taeyeon and how he was ugly and only in it to marry Taeyeon for her money since she had been in the industry longer and earned more that Baekhyun. The words fucked with his head until he could only function when they were live. He started cutting more and more and trying to get rid of himself because he was disgusting. Sehun tried to comfort his hyung like Baekhyun had done for him. It didn't work for long._

 

It was too late now, however. He was going to go through with his suicide this time. He had always thought about it, but held back because he needed to make sure Sehun was okay. And finally, after these years, Sehun was happy again and now Baekhyun could leave. Although he should leave a note, just to give his reasons. 

 

_Dear everybody,_

_I'm sorry, I just couldn't do this anymore. I know I always acted happy on stage and that you all thought I was happy, but I wasn't not since the scandals about me, about us. Maybe there could've been another way out, but it's too late now and this is for the best. Leaving EXO, like Kris, Luhan, and Tao, wouldn't have been right. I loved you guys, and despite my habit of annoying and bothering everybody, I hope you loved me too. I know you'll have a great comeback. Also Sehun? I never told you this because you were with Luhan and I couldn't make you choose between us, I know you'd pick Luhan over me every time so maybe I was saving myself from heartbreak. I hope you can find the person you love and I hope you will stay with them forever. To everybody else, I hope you live great lives and have more successful comebacks and shows. Please remember me for my smiles, no matter how fake they might have been. I don't want you to remember me for my weaknesses._

_Love, Baekhyun_

 

So Baekhyun picked up his blade and cut deep, deeper than the past times. He knew this time he would die and he didn't even feel sad, just relief of being free of the hate and a curious sort of numbness. The blood dripped down his thighs but it was faster this time, faster and faster until it was a steady stream and Baekhyun couldn't see clearly anymore. He blacked out. He wasn't awake when Chanyeol stumbled upon him, he wasn't awake when Sehun cried and sobbed about how much he loved him, about how he was going to ask Baekhyun hyung out that day, he wasn't awake when all the members gathered around him and said their last words to him, he was still asleep when they pulled the plug on him. 

 

Sehun sobbed and screamed every night. The remaining members couldn't even pretend that they didn't hear because it was so so loud and he sounded like he was in so much pain. Junmyeon wished he had noticed and tried to help Baekhyun. Chanyeol had nightmares of seeing his best friend laying on the floor of the bathroom. Jongdae couldn't even think of Baekhyun without crying. Minseok wanted, longed for the past few years to come back so that he could do something, anything to prevent Baekhyun's suicide. Yixing stared silently at Baekhyun's empty bed, waiting for him to come back. Kyungsoo cooked and baked, anything to keep his mind off of Baekhyun. Jongin stared at the photos of Baekhyun, of Baskhyun's smile and happiness. 

 

They missed Baekhyun so much, because without him, they had lost a person who had been their rock, almost like Junmyeon. Yes, Baekhyun had been annoying but he had also cared for the members. He had been protective and caring. And they missed him everyday. 

**Author's Note:**

> please comment and kudos? if you liked it lmao


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